To Find the Truth: John's Resolution
by IantojJackh
Summary: Response to ladygris' New Years resolution challenge. Each chapter is between 300 and 500 words...give or take. Now that Teyla has told John the truth, the road to happiness is never completely easy. JohnxTeyla.
1. Planting the Seeds

A/N: Response to ladygris' New Years resolution challenge. This is also acting as one of my New Year's resolutions to write a pairing other than McKeller. Please read and review, those make the plot bunnies hop faster. It comes in at 514 words. I tried to cut it down, but this is as close as I can get.

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**To Find the Truth**

John was lost in his own world, having a conversation with the bowl of soup that was supposed to be his dinner. "Sheppard you need to sleep," the man rubbed his eyes, sleep threatening to take over. The colonel was about to nod off when a voice cut through the silence that made him cringe.

"There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere. Don't you answer your radio?"

"I'm trying to eat, Rodney. Whatever you have to say can wait until I get some sleep," Sheppard said with a whine. Despite, being his best friend, Rodney could get on his last nerve at times

Rodney frowned and took the seat across from the cranky man, "Actually, this is better if I ask when you are tired." The Canadian stole a grape from John's plate and popped it into his mouth.

"Hey, I was going to eat that," John made a face. "Isn't it past your curfew? Should I call your girlfriend and tell her you are out past your bedtime?"

"Funny," the scientist clearly was not amused. After a moment of silence, Rodney finally spoke, "Did you ever sleep with Teyla?" He asked with a bluntness that could only be asked by a best friend and not get hit.

John choked on the soup, sending liquid spluttering out of his mouth, "Excuse me?"

"You know. Having sex. Doing the deed. Do I need to draw a picture?" Rodney spoke slowly as if he were talking a child.

"I know what you mean. Why would you ask me that?" John was confused why Rodney had asked the question. The idea of Rodney drawing people having sex was amusing to his sleep deprived brain. The thought would have gain McKay a slap to the back of the head had he not had three hours of sleep in the past thirty-six hours.

"Well, I was babysitting Torren..okay Jennifer was," Rodney corrected when he saw John's doubtful look. "Jennifer went to the bathroom and he climbed onto my lap."

"Did he think you were Santa Claus? You have been looking extra pudgy around the middle lately?"

He responded with an eye roll, "Comedian. He looked at me and I tried to teach him some theoretical physic then. Torren gave me one of those looks that you give me when you want me to shut up. I swear it was like you were looking at me, right down to the lopsided grin. His eyes are an exact match to yours."

"And your point is?"

"That's why I was asking if you and Teyla ever... you know. You have a kid and never told me."

John looked at the other man as if a thousand heads suddenly sprouted from his body, "You need sleep, Meredith." Truth be told, he had seen the growing resemblance between him and Torren and there was the one night after too much Athosian stout tea. It was fitting that the New Year was twelve hours away and at that very moment John made his resolution to find out the truth in the coming year.


	2. Still Avoiding

A/N: Word count is 479. Thank you for all those reading. Happy New Year to all those out there. Have a happy and healthy one.

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**Still Avoiding**

_February 15 _

John stood at the far end of mess hall as he watched Teyla playing with her son...or was it his son too. He had always wondered about their one night of passion and mostly put it to the back of his mind because Teyla seemed to be genuinely happy with Kanaan after Torren's birth. It wasn't until during their five month stay on Earth that he realized the Athosians relationship was not what it seemed. Then when Rodney did his not so subtle prodding a month and a half ago, John knew he needed to talk to Teyla.

"You still haven't talked to her, have you?" Rodney said his mouth half-full.

Sheppard turned to see what McKay was eating and saw a small bunch of grapes in the man's hand. He took a few for himself, "What exactly do I say to her? There is no delicate way to ask the question." John pointed to the mother and son.

"This is not like you."

"But this not exactly a normal situation. What would you do if Katie came back with a kid that looked and acted like you?" John tried to deflect the situation away from him.

Rodney started to choke on the grape he was eating, "Umm...that's not funny. But after I passed out..."

"Like you did at dinner last night."

The scientist face turned bright red, "You heard about that?"

John was glad he found the perfect way to take the heat off him, "The whole base knows. Valentine's Day dinner with your girlfriend in the mess hall? In the mess, seriously? Then you hyperventilate and pass out. Not one of your finest moments. What made you pass out?"

Rodney cleared his throat, "Um...yeah." He smirked, "I know what you are doing. Let's get off my screw up and back to you." The Canadian looked at Teyla and Torren having a tender mother/son moment, "Just look at that cocky grin. If that doesn't have John Sheppard written all over it, I don't know what does."

The torn man watch the scene before him and a fond smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"You still have a thing for her?" Rodney said with a laugh. He thought he had been imagining things; the glances that lasted a second too long or the touches that were slightly more than friendly.

John glared at his friend, knowing the usually oblivious man was right, "You know, for once you're right."

"What are you talking about? I'm always right."

"You keep telling yourself that," John slapped Rodney on the back. He took a deep breath as he headed toward the duo, "How's my favorite little man?" The man with the messy hair held his arms open wide for Torren.

"John," Teyla said with a wide smile as she watched her son race into his namesake's arms with a roaring laugh.

**To be Continued...**

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A/n: Left a little nugget in there for ya, Dani :)


	3. The Beginning

A/N: 481 Words. Thank you to all the readers and followers.

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**The Beginning **

After spinning until both him and Torren were dizzy, John placed the boy back on the ground next to his mother.

"You are like a child sometimes, Colonel," Teyla said with a laugh. Torren's face always lit when John was around and in turn made the Athosian smile.

"Next week I am going to steal Rodney's RC car and I can show you how to race. We won't invite the grumpy one. How do you like that?" the grown man asked the boy, knowing at two years that he could not really race, but he enjoyed the way the cars moved.

Torren, however, nodded and wrapped his tiny arms around the man's leg. He just enjoyed spending time with the grown child.

John's eyes fell upon the woman and lingered for a little too long. Being shy was not normal Sheppard's behavior, but bringing this question to the surface could open issues he might not be ready to deal with. He was fine with being the uncle figure in Torren's life. Things would be quite different if he were to become the father. "Where is Kanaan? He hasn't been around much since we returned to Pegasus." _Small steps, Sheppard._

Teyla pursed her lips as she tried to voice a response that would not show her anger over the situation, "He is on New Athos. You know he never felt right being here. It's just..." she was still having trouble digesting her last conversation with Kanaan.

"It's just, what?" he clearly could see that Teyla was upset. "You returned from New Athos earlier today?"

"I did," she felt ashamed that things were not working between her and her childhood friend and part-time lover.

John ran a hand through his hair, "What happened?"

"Kanaan wants to Torren to raised around Athosian traditions. I want that for him too, but my place is here. He wants Torren to live with him. Kanaan believes that Atlantis is no place to raise a child," Teyla obviously did not agree with that statement. She tilted her head and looked up at John with the smallest hint of tears in her eyes. "I don't know what to do."

It pained Sheppard to see the distress on Teyla's face. With one question, he could begin to take that pain away. But what if he was wrong? "Are you considering leaving?" John put a comforting hand on the woman's back. He could feel the connection between them, the small spark that would always connect them.

"I don't know. They are my people, but that is not my home. Atlantis is my home," Teyla squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will away the sensations caused by John's touch.

He wanted to make everything better for her and John knew he had to push away his fears to do that, "What if there was a way to make this all go away."


	4. Getting Closer

A/N: Comes in at 496 words. Thanks to all those still following.

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**Chapter 4- Getting Closer**

Teyla looked up at John and blinked several times, trying to understand the hidden meaning in his words. "What do you mean?" she questioned.

"I…well…um. It's just that," John wondered if this is what Rodney felt like when he got nervous. He mentally cursed himself that the Canadian's mannerisms were starting to rub off on him. "I was just thinking," his words trailed off, unable to vocalize his thoughts. He wanted to help Teyla with her problem but his fear of the truth stopped him.

The Athosian looked perplexed, as the usually smooth talking man was tongue-tied. "John, this is most unlike you. I don't understand what you are trying to say." Teyla paused for a moment, "I do not wish to take Torren away from his father if that is what you are suggesting. Things may be strained with Kanaan and myself, but I will not deny him his son." She could not do that to him especially since Kanaan had already lost a son, but John did not know that unless Rodney had broken his promise and that did not seem to be the case.

John kept a stoic expression. Part of him wanted to scream and ask what made her so sure that Torren was Kanaan's son. Did she even remember their night together? "I'm not saying that Torren should be denied his father," he was careful not to mention Kanaan's name. "I just meant that if…" the slightly panicked man met her soulful eyes and hoped she could understand what he meant without having to say it.

"Colonel Sheppard, don't," Teyla addressed him formally. She knew what he was trying to say and she was not going to have this conversation with him in a public venue. As soon as she had found out she was pregnant after the Athosians had gone missing, Teyla had convinced herself that there was no one else who could have fathered her child. When Torren had been born, he looked like her and no one mentioned the father. It was not until recently that the boy started to take on a similar appearance to John that the thought that he could have fathered her son entered her mind. By this time Kanaan had become attached to Torren and thought of the boy as his own and she could not break the bond the two had formed.

After a long pause Teyla took a deep breath, "You have been talking to Rodney, haven't you?"

"I talk to him all the time. I don't know what you mean," John acted ignorant. It was true that McKay had awakened the lost thoughts, but he had done nothing other than that. "He might have mentioned something that happened when he and Jennifer babysat a couple months ago. I just have to wonder if…"

John's train of thought was broken by Chuck coming over on the PA system, "Colonel Sheppard's team to the gateroom immediately."

_So much for finding out now._

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To be continued...

End A/n: The fact of Kanaan losing a son prior to Torren comes from the SGA novel Homecoming, where Teyla did tell Rodney about it.


	5. Rescuer to Needing Rescue

A/N: Sorry took so long to update this, but I've been trying to tie up some loose ends on some of my other stories that were nearing their end and work has been insanely busy lately. I am almost done with that little project so I will be updating this on a more regular basis. Comes in a little long at 521 words. Please leave a review as they help the muses.

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**Chapter 5- Rescuer to Needing Rescue**

What was supposed to be a simple rescue/escort mission after a few scientists angered the natives for pointing flaws in their traditions turned out to be anything but. On the return trip when Rodney was berating his staff for almost getting themselves killed the ground gave way from underneath him and in an attempt to save himself, he grabbed onto the nearest object which happened to be John's leg. Before anyone knew what happened both men had fallen into a cavern below.

"Great going, McKay," John groaned as he tried to push himself off Rodney, but their tac vests got snagged on each other. "Thanks for breaking my fall."

"Oh, yes blame me because it's my fault the ground gave way," Rodney struggled trying to free himself from the tangled mess. A low groan escaped his throat as it was he realized how painful it was to breath. "I think you fall broke something else. Like my ribs." his eyes started to roll into the back of his head.

"John...Rodney," Teyla called from above.

"We're fine." After a little more struggling, John managed to free himself from Rodney.

"Speak for yourself," Rodney winced as he sat up.

"Do you see a way out?" The Athosian could not hide the worry in her voice.

John quickly scanned the cavern and saw nothing, "That's a negative. The way we came in looks like it's the only way out."

"Colonel, we have to head back to Atlantis to gather the necessary materials to rescue you and Dr. McKay. Just stay where you are," Teyla called down to the men.

"Yes, because we have so many options of where to go. I think I'll take a swim in the pool," Rodney rolled his eyes as he tried to push himself onto his feet.

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the trapped when once the group left.

"Did you ask her yet?" Rodney finally spoke up after twenty minutes of pacing and incoherent mumbling.

"Not exactly. I hinted at it, but she told me not to go there. Teyla is so sure Kanaan is Torren's father. Is it right for me to ruin what they have?" John made a face, still torn over what to do.

"But you have a right to know if he is your son. Just ask her. Don't be a chicken."

Sheppard laughed at the irony of the man's statement, "Don't be a chicken? This coming from the man who passed out while trying to propose to his girlfriend?"

"You know?" Rodney's face went pale.

"I found the receipt in your desk. You really spent four grand on an engagement ring?" John asked with a grin. "Wait? What's that smell?" he sniffed around to try to locate the source of the burning smell.

"Smells like burning sulphur," The scientist wrinkled his nose at the disgusting smell.

"That's not good, right?"

"Yes, because a burning smell is always a sign that something good is about to happen," Rodney spoke as if he was speaking to a slow child.

John was about to come back with a witty comment when an explosion rocked the cavern.


	6. Shine a Light

A/N: Thanks to for all the kind review and for your continued support. Next chapter is here. Please enjoy.

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**Chapter 6- Shine a Light**

As the rescue team approached the area where John and Rodney had fallen a sense of dread filled everyone. It was eerily quiet and the smell of burnt sulphur irritated their nasal passages. "John..." Teyla on instinct ran toward where the hole was and could see nothing. Before I had been able to see John and Rodney and now it was dark as a moon and starless night.

Lorne, whose team joined in the rescue, looked down at the dark hole and back at the group with a grim expression. "Colonel Sheppard…Doctor McKay. Can either of you hear me?" he waited a minute and when he got no response he tried again and was met with silence for a second time. "Can someone give me a flashlight?" the Major asked and was handed one a few seconds later.

Teyla backed away from the edge, her heart taking up residence in her stomach. She regretted the way she handled the conversation with John earlier in the day. It was that moment of uncertainty that caused the Athosian to break into a cold sweat. She did not know if her teammates were alive or dead. Hindsight was always perfect and had she known that her conversation with John could have been their last she would not have brushed him off as she did. Teyla stood frozen as Ronon pushed past her to join Evan at the hole. Missions had gone wrong before, but after earlier, it was not the same. John had wanted the truth and she could not give it to him, not because she did not want to, but because she did not know and she was petrified to find out.

"Do you see anything?" Ronon asked as he tried to see through the darkness.

"Not yet," Lorne moved the flashlight around, hoping to see something. "There looks like there is another hole below this one. Is that water?" the Major squinted as the light did not reach the bottom and he motioned for someone to bring more light.

"An underground river?" Ronon peered into the hole and quickly grabbed a flashlight from Reed.

"It looks that way," Evan could see better as more light was directed toward the water. "Looks like a sift moving current," he hoped that neither of the missing men had fallen in. As he moved the flashlight around something caught his eye. "Ronon, point the light over here," Evan directed the other man.

Ronon did as he was told and saw it too.

"I see a leg," Lorne announced, but that is all he could see as the rest was covered in rubble and from the limited view, he could not make out whom the leg belonged to.

"Sheppard... McKay," Ronon called out. "Say something."

Teyla exhaled the breath she had been holding, grateful that someone had been located. Her relief did not last for long as the body had yet to respond and it could not be determined if it was John or Rodney. For all they knew the person attached to the leg could be dead.

"I'm here," a pained voice came from below.

**TBC...**

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A/N: Sorry for another cliffhanger, but I couldn't resist.


	7. Trapped

a/n: Thank you to all following and for the reviews.

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**Chapter 7- Trapped**

"Sheppard," Ronon yelled.

"John," Teyla closed her eyes and said a small prayer to the Ancestors.

"Is McKay with you?" Lorne was the only one who thought to ask about the other man.

John groaned as he tried to move as a light coating of debris covered him, "Rodney, where are you?" the more he moved the more he realized the ground below him was unstable. "McKay, say something." The military man started to feel around and he was relieved when he felt the back of the other man's tac vest. "Say something," Sheppard gave the vest a slight nudge. "Oh crap," the tone was reminiscent of Rodney.

"What's is it, Sir?" Lorne replied.

"I have a vest but no Rodney," he lifted his head and saw holes three feet to each side him and knew there was only one place that the Canadian could have gone.

"He fell into the river?" Ronon shouted down.

"River?" John asked with an uncertain edge to his voice.

"Yes, Sir. Beneath you there is some kind of underground river." Lorne informed his commanding officer. "Don't try to move too much. I don't think the rope we have is enough to get you out."

"I don't plan on it, Major," Sheppard tried to sit up to see if he could see Rodney below. "Can one of you toss me a light? I need to see if I can see McKay anywhere."

Ronon tossed his flashlight down and made sure his teammate picked it up.

"John, are you alright? Are you injured?" Teyla asked as she carefully made her way toward the edge.

"Nothing a hot shower and a good night sleep won't cure." John moved carefully to be sure that the ground under him did not give way. He wanted to see where Rodney had fallen and to see how badly his friend was injured.

"Do you see anything Colonel?" Evan asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Several sweeps of the area with the flashlight confirmed John's fears, "A boot. The current is swift. You have to find out where this river leads."

"Ronon, you and Reed are with me. We will try to find the river on the surface. The rest of you, return to Atlantis and get what we need to get him out of there," Lorne took control of the situation.

Teyla shook her head, "I am going to stay here. I think someone should stay with him in case something should happen again."

Evan agreed, "You are right."

Once Teyla knew everyone was out of hearing range, she turned her attention to the trapped man, "I'm sorry for the way I treated you. It was wrong of me to dismiss your feelings as I did."

John tried to look up to make eye contact, but the Athosian was too far from the opening for him to see her. "You want to apologize now?"

"I know now isn't the right time, but there are some things that I need to tell you."

"Such as?"

"You might be right."

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**TBC: Next Up The Talk**


	8. It Begins

An: Thank you to all those following. Please leave a review to let me know what you think. Thanks to Shadows-of-Realm for the beta.

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**Chapter 8- It Begins!**

"Right?" John asked to make sure he heard her correctly. "Right about what?" he really did not want to have this conversation right now. His thoughts were focused on getting out and finding Rodney, anything Teyla had to say was trivial at this time. "You know I would love this have this conversation with you, but I don't think this is the time or place."

Teyla closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. She knew he was right, but the woman was worried that the ground beneath him would give way and he would become lost like Rodney was at the moment. "I know that, John. If something were to happen, there are things you should know."

"Do you know something I don't?" Sheppard looked around uneasy, wondering if the ground was more unstable than he thought.

"I do not believe so," Teyla tried to reassure John. "It's just that last time we left, everything seemed fine and now Rodney is missing."

"Thank you for reminding me," John scowled, fear for his friend's safety surfaced.

"I did not mean it like that. I'm sure Major Lorne and Ronon will find Rodney and he will be fine," she refused to think of a negative outcome for Rodney. "They will return shortly and Rodney will be complaining about being wet."

Sheppard smirked as it did sound like something Rodney would do. "What could I be right about?" He did not want to think about what had become of Rodney and there were questions he needed answered.

"About Torren. I'm not sure..." Teyla had difficulty getting the words out.

"You are not sure which of us is the father?" John had to make sure he was reading between her words correctly.

"That is correct," for the first time she truly felt ashamed. "Jennifer informed me I was pregnant after my people were taken. I took that as a sign that Kanaan was the father. Then with how you reacted after you found out I was with child, it erased any doubt that he was Kanaan's."

If Teyla could see his face she would see the anger, "How would you have expected me to react?" John snapped. "You acted like that night did not happen."

The Athosian sighed softly, "That night was a moment of weakness. We gave into something that we should not have. Personal relationships do not work in Atlantis."

John thought it was a lame excuse, "I never said anything about a relationship, but since you bought it up what about Jennifer and Rodney? They've made it work very well."

"But they do not work together as closely as we do. It would be different for us. We go into battle often and you cannot let those kind of emotions get in the way. It will only be a distraction," Teyla felt that she had given away more than she had wanted. She knew that her next words had to be worded very carefully and she did not want to say anything that might mislead him. "Doctor Keller hardly goes off world and I'm sure Rodney would agree with me that if Jennifer was in his off world team that he would not have pursued a relationship with her."

The trapped man was lost on how the conversation went from Torren's paternity to being in a relationship or in their case a lack of one. "I wasn't saying that we should be together, I just wanted to know the truth. Do I have a son or not? There are tests that can tell us who Torren's father is." If John had to truthful, he was not sure if he wanted to be involved with someone. There were still the long hidden scars from his divorce and he knew his career was not conducive to a serious relationship. However, being on Atlantis only slightly increased the chances of anything working but with an expedition of this size any relationship in the open was fodder for rumor mill. Sheppard always had strong feelings for Teyla and his mind was too preoccupied with worry to express his feelings.

"Is that what you really want, John?" Teyla did not hide the fear in her voice. She too was scared of that the results would be. They could change everything and she was not sure how ready she was for what they would say.

John nodded, "Yes. I want to know either way." Once the truth was figured out then John would make a decision of what needed to be done. A loud crack from above caused the man flinch, "Was that thunder?"

"Yes, it is starting to rain too."

"Oh, great could anything get any worse?" John wondered what else could happen to further hinder the rescue.

"John," Teyla said in a stern voice. "Major Lorne and Ronon are going to return any minute with Rodney and we will get you out of there."

"I don't doubt that. We've been through worse and always make it through. Being trapped here is nothing. Just another day in Pegasus." The Colonel heard the sound of boots quickly approaching above. "Who's coming?"

Teyla shook her head when Evan and Ronon appeared without Rodney. A barely audible gasp escaped her chest when she saw Ronon holding her teammate's jacket.

"We found it where the river comes out from a cave. There was no other sign of Doctor McKay," Lorne said slightly out of breath.

John heard his second in command and sighed. "Get me out of here so we can look for him." Now there was desperation in his voice. "Why did you stop searching?"

"The water is really rough and the rain is really starting to fall," Evan gave his explanation for halting the search at least temporarily.

It took another half hour to get John free and by that time the rain was coming down so hard that no one could see three feet in front of them. "We've got to look for Rodney," he reached out to grab the nearest person to him.

"John, we can hardly see anything. I think it would be wise we head back and resume the search in the morning," Teyla knew it was a hard decision to make, but continuing the search could put everyone at risk.

"No," he got indignant and refused to move.

"It won't do any good to Rodney if we ourselves become lost in the search. Besides you can be injured. You need to be examined," she gave John's bicep an encouraging squeeze.

The rational part of John's mind knew Teyla was right, but the rest of him wanted to look for Rodney. "Everyone fall back to the gate, Woolsey needs to be briefed on the latest developments."

With heavy hearts, the group began the journey back home.

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End A/N: What became of Rodney will be spun off into a story of its own to debut in a few days. This will continue to chronicle what happens between John and Teyla. You won.t need to read the other story to learn what happened. There will be passing mention of McKay's fate.


	9. The Visit

**Chapter 9- The Visit**

John rubbed his neck as he walked toward Teyla's room. Guilt ate at his insides over temporarily calling off the search for Rodney. The pouring rain and wind made the search dangerous. Too dangerous to risk many for one, were the exact words Woolsey had used. Rodney risked his live on countless occasions for everyone and it was not right that they were not given the same option for him. Seeking out Teyla was natural knowing Ronon would not be able to offer the same insight that Teyla's natural comforting nature gave. Plus, with the way they left things on the planet there was still much to be discussed between them. He slumped forward as his hand passed over the door sensor to her room.

Teyla had been trying to get Torren to sleep when the door chime went off, ruining any progress in getting the toddler to sleep. "John," she was not surprised to see the man standing at her door. "Come in," the Athosian stepped to the side. The myriad of emotions clearly was written on his face and with everything that had transpired she knew his military training had to be the only thing holding it together for him. "How is Dr. Keller?" Teyla saw John go after the blonde physician after the mission debriefing.

"Rodney's temper has definitely worn off on her. I would be that angry too. We should be out there looking. I know it won't do any good, but we should be doing something," John balled his fist up, controlling the urge to yell and hit a wall. His anger was temporarily mollified when Torren looked at him and laughed.

"Hi," the young boy was excited to see his _uncle_. Young children had a way of sensing when there was something wrong and it was the reason the two and a half year old would not sleep.

"Hey, there short stuff," he ruffled Torren's wild hair. "Are you giving you mom a hard time?" Looking at the child's innocent face instantly made John feel a little better.

"No sleep," Torren shook his head and held his arms as if he wanted to be picked up.

"I take that as a yes," John picked the boy up. "Sleeping is no fun."

"Thank you, John," Teyla was not happy at the intrusion. She doubted that she could sleep anyway because of the worry over her missing teammate.

"I think we are ready for that serious talk," he sat down with Torren in his lap. Despite making silly faces at the child, his tone was very serious.

Teyla knew this moment would come. Neither could hide from what they always kept hidden just below the surface. Both knew they used the untold excuse that they worked too closely together to let anything other than close friendship happen between them, but that excuse seemed empty with Rodney missing. The Athosian closed her eyes as her son's attention was solely on the man who could be his father. The two had a natural ease with each other it was as if their souls knew something that their minds did not. "Would you mind watching Torren for a while? I am worried about Jennifer. She should not be alone."

John shook his head, "No more running. We need to be honest once and for all. Before something happens and it's too late," he looked at the boy in his lap and then back at Teyla. "We can't hide from the obvious."

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TBC...

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews. Keep them coming. Thank you to Shadows-or-Realm for the beta. To find out what happened to Rodney check out The Exalted One. Thanks again.


	10. One Small Step

**Chapter 10- One Small Step**

Teyla's eyes narrowed to slits as she looked at John. She thought she had made it clear she did not want to go down this path with him, but he was not listening. "I thought I said we should not discuss this John. Why won't you abide by my wishes?"

John shook his head, "I don't recall you ever saying that. Everything is different now.""

"How is everything different then it was a few hours ago?" Teyla could not understand his logic. She did not want to face what was in her heart. There were many things that the Athosian was not afraid of, but there was something about fully opening up to John that truly terrified her.

"I realized something after I talked to Jennifer. That you should not waste time on being scared," he turned his attention to Torren for a moment.

"You spoke to Dr. Keller on this?" Teyla did not like having her private matters talked about behind her back.

"No. She mostly yelled at me, thinking we gave up on Rodney. Actually, she sounded a lot like him. Did you know he was going to ask Jennifer to marry him yesterday? But, he got scared and never asked. Now he may never get that chance," he hoped Teyla would get what he was hinting at. "They fought earlier in the day and now..."

Teyla cut John off before he could go any further. Her heart was pounding in her chest so most of his words were lost upon her. "John, don't. Please not now. You are upset about Rodney. We all are, but don't let those feelings cloud you better judgement."

John stood up and placed Torren on the couch. "I've never been clearer about anything." His eyes locked onto Teyla's, not sure what he saw looking back at him.

Teyla turned away from the man who frustrated her to no end, as she did not want him to see the yearning in her eyes. It was a basic human need to want someone to love them. Some might deny it, but they are only lying to themselves or in this case too scared to give up control of your emotions. Teyla had prided herself in always keeping herself in control, but the one night they spent together she gave up control and it was both exhilarating and frightening.

"Teyla, look at me," John placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled away after the woman flinched.

"John, I think it would be best if you left now. We should all rest. We are going to need our energy when we search for Rodney." It was a perfectly valid excuse, but still an excuse.

John knew she was trying to get rid of him, but she did have a good point. He did not want to leave everything in flux as it were. It seemed to be the norm lately and something had to happen to break it. Without thinking, John pulled Teyla in for a kiss.

Now it was up to her to respond to push him away. It was time for Teyla to make up her mind once and for all.

**To be continued...**

A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing. Feel free to drop me a PM if you have and ideas or whatnot. This is unbeted so all mistakes are mine. Sorry for the long break in updating. Life has been very busy lately and other stories' muses have been biting me.


	11. Decision

**Chapter 11- Decision **

Teyla let the kiss go on for several minutes before coming up for air. Her mind was in a thick fog that caused both panic and elation. Ever since the night that their bodies and souls met she yearned to feel his lips on her's again. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could taste the mix of salty popcorn and the strong Athosian tea that mixed as they kissed.

"No," the confused woman used her hands to push John away, but not far enough away that his intoxicating scent released its hold on her. Teyla's words said one thing while her actions contradicted them. She hated feeling helpless to her emotions as her personal wall of defence crumbled a little more every time she was alone with the military commander. Her hands framed his face, slight stubble tickling her hands. "John, this isn't right. Rodney is missing. There cannot be this thing between us while we are looking for him. It will distract our attention from where it should be."

John had enough of the tired mantra. "That is enough. That excuse is not going to work anymore. What are you so afraid of?" He knew he hit a raw nerve with his question.

"I'm not afraid of anything," Teyla sucked on her lip, trying to keep her emotions in check. Her body screamed to take the irresistible man into her arms. "I...I ...I can't," she tried to push herself away, but it was impossible to. The torn woman's hand stayed firmly planted on John's chest. Her eyes closed as her body inched closer to Sheppard as if there was a magnetic pull between them. "We are going to find him, right?"

"This is McKay we are talking about. He'll show up complaining that we left him," John tried to lighten the mood. "He's cheated death so many times that he cannot die."

"Like Batman?" a small smile crossed her lips, recalling the many conversations the two men had about the characters they called superheroes.

"Yes," John nodded. "Exactly like Batman, except neither of us wears tights." He flashed a hint of a smile as he planted his hands firmly on the woman's shoulders; who was still avoiding the real reason he was in her room. "What if this is our last chance? What if tomorrow something happens and one of us is never heard from again? There is so much unsaid and I don't want to have all of this unfinished business between us."

Teyla met his eyes, uncertainty clearly written across every inch of her dark eyes. She knew John would not be opening up like this had Rodney not been planning to propose to Jennifer before he went missing. It was several moments before her mouth started to move. The words coming out before she had a chance to process them, "I do love you John Sheppard. I don't want to hide from that anymore," her voice quivered with fear. Teyla knew he had a point about not waiting until it was too late to do act, as Rodney was a perfect example of that.

**To be continued...**

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A/N: Thank for you those still following this story. Hope you are still enjoying it. Please leave a review. Helps the muses work harder. If you are wondering what happened to Rodney, please check out the companion piece entitled: The Exalted One. I should be updating all my stuff with more regularity as things are finally calming down at work and I have time for myself.


	12. A New Morning Rises

**Chapter 12- A New Morning Rises**

Teyla woke the next morning feeling content for the first time in as long as she could remember. She It was difficult to recall the last time she woke up in someone's arms. During her time with Kanaan, the man enjoyed his space while they slept. She had convinced herself it was a defense mechanism from growing up in fear of the Wraith. There were times where she needed that extra reassurance that he was there for her, but it never came. The Athosian would never speak ill of the man, as he had never done wrong by her. There were times he left her longing for more. Nothing much, just a sign that they were more than two people trying to raise a child together. A smile crossed her lips as she caught sight of John sound asleep, his hair covering his closed eyes.

"Morning," John said sleepily as he stretched and leaned over to give Teyla a morning kiss.

"And a good morning it is." Part of her felt horrible for saying that when a member of her team was missing. "Did you sleep well?" Teyla curled up with the man next to her, enjoying the warmth his body created. It was not only the physical warmth that got her heart racing.

"As well as I could considering..." The rational part of his brain told him that the chance of ever finding Rodney was slim to none, but his heart would never truly give up on his friend. John had to do something to keep his mind occupied or else he felt as if he would go crazy.

"I believe we will find Rodney. The moment we give up on him, he will be forever lost," Teyla forced herself to believe that McKay would be found. With as much as the people of Atlantis complained about the acerbic scientist there would be a deep hole in their soul if he were to never come back.

"No more talking," John said, his voice tight and strained. He just wanted to forget about everything even for just a moment. It was as if everything else did not exist as long as he and Teyla drew their strength from one another. Their eyes locked for a moment and there was no need for words to be exchanged between them as what needed to be said was said with a simple look.

Both wanted to forget the pain and sought comfort in one another. Their lips met hesitantly at first and it did not take long for the hunger and longing for the other to take over. Teyla was ready to give into the passion that she denied herself since the night Torren was conceived. The Athosian finally let her head believe what her heart knew the whole time; John was Torren's father.

John had just slid his hand into the opening of Teyla's dressing gown, eliciting a pleasurable moan, when he felt as if every movement was being watched. From the foot of the bed a wide pair of brown eyes was staring at them.

"Mommy?" Torren looked confused at the sounds he heard his mother make and as to why his uncle was almost on top of her.

**To be continued…**

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******A/n: Let me start by apologizing for such a long time between chapters. I really don't have a good excuse other than my muse left me for this story after I did this chapter twice at work and when I emailed it home the email was not there and then gone from my sent folder at work. Lesson learned; don't email stories home from work. However, today I was hit with some inspiration to work on this chapter and I managed to finish it. I plan to update this on a regular basis. Also, I am staying with in the original guidelines of 500 words or less. This came in a 538. Please enjoy and let me know what you think.**


	13. Explanations

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews for the previous chapter. I'm glad you are still following this story even after the long hiatus. I had planned on getting this done over the weekend, but a freak snowstorm kept me buried under the covers thanks to wonky heat in my apartment for half the weekend and the other half I had to go to a co-worker's baby shower. Sorry this is a few days late. Thanks again.

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**Chapter 13- Explanations**

The embarrassed couple jumped to opposite sides of the bed, their faces as red as the late day sun. In their moment of bliss they forgot that they were not alone.

"What's wrong, baby?" Teyla fixed herself up so she was not exposed.

"Uncle John?" the boy still looked confused as he crawled into bed and squeezed his way in between the adults. "You hurt Mommy?" Torren could not distinguish between a moan of pleasure and one of pain and scowled at the man he thought was hurting his mother.

John was confused for a second, "No, buddy. I wasn't hurting her. No, you see she had a..." the stammering man did not know how to explain things to a young child and looked to Teyla to explain away.

"I had a cramp and Uncle John was making it go away." Teyla doubted the young child understood their explanation and the blank look on Torren's face confirmed it. "He was making me feel better." That rationalization did not sound right either with its naughty overtones but it was on a level Torren could understand.

"Okay," Torren shrugged as long as his mother was not being hurt then he did not care. The boy moved close to John. "We race cars?"

John face scrunched up, hating to say no. "Sorry, little guy. I only have one car. We can play with that." It was true that he only had one car, as it was Rodney who kept a compliment of three and bothering Jennifer for one was out of the question and not to mention tasteless.

"Okay," Torren nodded excitedly. "Now?" he was brimming with anticipation. The smile on his face made his mother smile as well.

"You can go, but you have to get dressed and eat breakfast first. That goes for the both of you," Teyla looked over at the two excited faces and laughed. John could be such a kid at times and it was good for Torren because it allowed him to have someone to play with. Most importantly, it gave the two time to bond. The amused woman laughed at the matching pouts given to her.

"Fine," John tried to be irresistible, but knew it would not work. "I'll meet you in the mess hall in twenty minutes." He wanted to kiss Teyla a temporary goodbye, but it was not a smart move in front of Torren after what he witnessed earlier.

An half hour later the three were sitting in the mess hall, enjoying a calm and laugh filled breakfast. John was making mounds out of the oatmeal he was eating. When Torren tried to do the same the child ended up making a mess, earning John a discreet kick to the shins under the table. Not a smart move to play with food in front of a child who was in a mimicking stage, but John was not very hungry this morning.

"Uncle Wooney come too?" Torren asked, wanting Rodney to play too as he had joined the races on several occasions.

John hid the pain well as he tried to come up with an excuse why it would be only the two of them, "He's busy. Sorry, buddy." He reached over and ruffled Torren's hair.

"Mommy come?" he looked hopefully at his mother.

"I will join you," Teyla reached across the table for John's hand.

"We family," Torren had no idea how true his words really were.

"Yes, we are."

The new couple's eyes met and a content smile grace each of their faces. The problems that lay ahead were forgotten for the moment. There was much left to figure out, but they needed this moment to prepare for the fight to come.

**To be continued...**


	14. Revelations

A/n: Thank you for all the kind reviews, adds and favorites since last time. Unbetaed so mistakes are mine alone. Don't forget to leave a review.

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**Chapter 14- Revelations**

Torren laughed as the car zoomed past his feet and he gave the motorized vehicle a short chase. The sweet laughter was just what John and Teyla needed to temporarily forget their troubles. The family of three enjoyed several hours of games, including tag, hide and seek; the kinds of games John played in his youth. Well, the kind of games he was forced to play behind his father's back. They were not the kind of games a future CEO should be playing was the older man's mantra when the young Sheppard would come home from school looking like he had rolled around in dirt.

John had to carry the sleeping toddler back to Teyla's room, a casualty of too much fun. While Torren slept it would give the adults time to talk things through without having a repeat of the moaning incident. Both wanted to continue the search for Rodney, but Woolsey insisted on sending two other gate teams to lead the search. There was nothing to do but lean on each other.

There was an intense look of longing between John and Teyla as there was still much they needed to talk about. Much had been inferred by spending the night together, but there was still the need to put it out in the open and lay some ground rules for what was to come.

John put Torren down on the couch and watched him sleep for a long moment, noticing the similarities between them. At first he thought he was just imagining things from the ideas that Rodney planted in his head on New Year's Eve, but there were certain things that were undeniable. The mop of dark hair that defied taming no matter what and the lopsided grin that was unmistakable Sheppard. John was about to voice his observations when Teyla's arms encircled his waist. A soft sigh escaped his lips as her head rested against his shoulder. His heart quickened as knew this moment felt so right and he wanted to kick himself for denying himself the truth for so long. "You already know what the DNA test is going to say, don't you?" A couple of days ago John would have been mad at the truth being kept from him for so long, but now was not a time to waste on being mad. You had to seize life because you never know when it will be pulled out from under you.

"Yes," Teyla said quietly, knowing she could finally be truthful with John and not have him react negatively. "Torren is your son."

It was different to know the truth than to hear the truth. To finally have the confirmation made John's heart swell. He turned around slowly and saw the same fear in Teyla's eyes that he had. This was an important junction and the next steps they would take would shape the course for their future together. "What about..." John's question was interrupted by Chuck coming over the radio. Was it the intrusion a blessing or a curse?

"Teyla, come in," the perky gate tech had no idea what he was interrupting.

"What is it, Chuck?" Teyla's voice was clear of the obvious annoyance present on her face.

"Kanaan and some of the Athosians have just arrived looking for you."

A turning point indeed.

**To be contiuned…**

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**a/n: Sorry for the cliffie. I can't help myself.**


	15. Bad News

**A/N: Thanks to all those still following this tale. Be kind and leave a review. Unbetaed so mistakes are mine.**

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**Chapter 15- Bad News**

Teyla felt a chill rush over her at Chuck's words and as she could not fathom what Kanaan wanted and why several of their people were with him. Of course, her mind jumped to the worst case scenario. She and John were about to talk about how to deal with Kanaan and now he was here. The appearance of Kanaan could only threaten their newfound happiness.

"Do you want me to stay here?" John asked, knowing someone had to watch Torren.

Teyla shook her head knowing she was not going to be able to do this alone, a far cry from her usual brave front. This was uncharted territory for all of them and no one knew what this visit held. The only way to face it was to face it together. "Can you tell them I will be there in a few minutes?" she responded to Chuck.

After getting an acknowledgement from the gate tech, Teyla tapped her earpiece, "Ronon, come in."

"Yeah!" A gruff response came over the radio, the words slightly garbled by a full mouth of food.

"I need a favor. Can you please come to my quarters and watch Torren? He is taking a nap and I do not wish to wake him. Something had come up that John and I need to handle."

"Okay, sure." Ronon wiped his mouth with a napkin. "What's going on? You sure you don't need my help?"

"No. It's a personal matter," Teyla explained, but not wanting to divulge too much at this time.

The Satedan shrugged, "Okay. I'll be right there." Ronon wondered when his duties started to include babysitting. He quickly deposited his tray and left the mess hall.

"Thanks for this, Chewy." John clasped his friend's shoulder after he arrived. "I owe you a sparring lesson where you are free to kick my ass."

"You mean more than I normally do?" Ronon raised an eyebrow at the feeling that he was intruding on something. "You trust me with Torren?" It would be the first time he was watching the child alone and it made him nervous. Kids were scarier than the meanest Wraith Queen and he had no idea how to entertain the small child if he woke up.

"Yes. Thank you, Ronon." Teyla offered with a smile.

Ronon watched as his teammates left the room and before the door slid shut, he swore he saw John and Teyla slip their hands into one another. "None of my business." A definite surprise turn of events.

Fighting in battle never scared Teyla as much as this. She felt her greatest fear was about to come true; losing her son. She felt her throat begin to tighten and her dark eyes grow darker. "Why did he choose to come now? He wasn't supposed to come for another week."

"Maybe it's nothing serious." John tried to give reassurance, but he was just as frightened. It was the timing that created the fear. It was as if Kanaan knew what had transpired and he was here to take what he thought was his.

Just before entering the Gateroom John and Teyla separated and moved a foot apart. Their new relationship needed to remain a secret for now. The grim look on Kanaan and the other Athosians' faces made matters worse.

"Kanaan, what is wrong?" Guilt was written over every inch of her face. There would always be a part of her that would always love the man she knew for her whole life. It just was not a romantic love.

"It's Halling. He has been sick for a while and he wishes for you to perform the Ring Ceremony before he departs this world." Losing people to natural causes still was new to the Athosians and it was worse than having them culled.

It was not the news Teyla had expected and it threw her for a loop. Halling never mentioned being sick when she was on New Athos a month ago. "How long does he have?"

"It can be anytime," Kanaan reached out to Teyla to comfort her, but was beat to it by John whose comforting embrace was more than a friend comforting another friend. It was a selfish desire that when Teyla heard of her friend's condition that she would turn to him, one of her own, for support. It was only another step away from her people that Teyla took. He felt with year passing day that Teyla moved further and further away and the only thing keeping her from a complete break was her wish for their son to grow up knowing his heritage.

"We will go back with you," her heart was heavy and on the verge of shattering. The Earth superstition of bad things happening in threes weighed heavily on Teyla's mind. First it was Rodney and now Halling. Who would be number three?

**To be continued...**

**A/n: Next up: Adventures in Babysitting. **


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